Moonfall (2022)
“Meow. ” – Fuzz Aldrin.
Moonfall (2022)
Directed by: Roland Emmerich
Written by: Roland Emmerich, Harald Kloser, Spenser Cohen
Starring: Halle Berry, Patrick Wilson, John Bradley
Hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha.
I think this is the dumbest movie I’ve ever watched. But geeez did I have a fun time. Not only is the script full of laughable cliches and insane tonal shifts (one scene shifts from a heartfelt father-son moment, to a Fast and Furious movie, to a dystopian young adult novel in 3 minutes), the premise is (pardon the pun) out-of-this-world bad.
The adrenaline-filled adventure sees the moon get knocked out of its orbit by a mysterious force and start ‘falling’ towards Earth. With the fate of the world on the line, three brave astronauts must travel to the moon and correct its course before it’s too late. (Note: On the surface, this actually sounds OK. But trust me, the plot goes completely bonkers in the third act).
Only Roland Emmerich – the king of the disaster movie (Independence Day, The Day After Tomorrow, 2012) - would have the juice to get a project this stupid greenlit by a production company. And not just approved…this cost $140 Million.
One. Hundred. And. Forty. Million. Dollars.
Hahahahahahahahahaha.
Knowing that this cost the GDP of a small country (and that Halle Berry was given $10 million for her forgetful lead role) just made it all the funnier.
To be fair, Emmerich delivers on any disaster movie’s biggest drawing card – DESTRUCTION. Moonfall might not match the quasi-apocalyptic death tolls of 2012 or Greenland, but the onscreen carnage is on par with any other movie I’ve ever seen. Entire cities are eviscerated in seconds, and I’ve gotta be honest, it’s fun watching the world end in a big bang, rather than the depressing relatability of COVID-inspired pandemic flicks.
And boy oh boy, THE CHARACTERS! Where to start. Even in ‘bad’ disaster movies, there will be at least one sympathetic character – a nice, friendly, innocent hero. Someone whose survival will leave you feeling warm and bubbly inside. Not here! Instead, we get about twenty forgettable characters, split across three uninteresting stories, and I have never cared less about people dying. The three main characters (I’ve already forgotten their names) are angry, irrational, and stupid, with two terrible parents and a potential incel. The rest of the cast are so boring that some are unceremoniously killed off-screen, and one practically commits suicide in the dumbest “No, just go on without me” moment since the bloody door in Titanic. It’s all really bad stuff. Oh well, luckily most of them die :)
Dumb fun is hard to come by, especially at this budget level, so I shouldn’t be complaining too much. If you want to turn your brain off and enjoy something that is so hilariously unaware of its own flaws, you won’t find anything better than Moonfall.
Rating: 3.5/10