Thoroughbreds (2017)
“You cannot hesitate. The only thing worse than being incompetent, or being unkind, or being evil, is being indecisive.” – Amanda.
Thoroughbreds (2017)
Directed by: Cory Finley
Written by: Cory Finley
Starring: Ana Taylor-Joy, Olivia Cooke, Anton Yelchin, Paul Sparks
Hahahahaha oh my god this was a bad movie. One hour and thirty-two minutes of my life I’m never getting back. I got seduced by this as it was in the ‘hidden gem’ section of a streaming service. Unfortunately, ‘hidden gem’ is often a euphemism for ‘nobody watched this movie because it’s terrible’. Gave this the benefit of the doubt – big mistake. If you want to see me tee off on a bad film stay tuned, because this is probably the worst movie I’ve reviewed.
Thoroughbreds is a dark comedy thriller written and directed by Cory Finley. The film follows Lily, a silver-spoon Connecticut high-schooler who lives with her vapid mother and overbearing stepfather. When Lily reconnects with her childhood friend Amanda (Cooke), a troubled and emotionless teen, the two bond over their hatred of their peers. When they become acquainted with local drug dealer Tim (Yelchin), they cook up a plan to get rid of Lily’s step dad (Sparks).
First comment – this is categorised as a ‘thriller.’ If so, this is the most boring thriller ever made. NOTHING HAPPENS. Originally written as a stage play, the film is split into four ‘acts’. Therefore I was sitting through each part waiting for something crazy to happen in the next part. Spoiler alert – the first meaningful event is at the 80-minute mark. Until then, the film is just a supercut of quirky and satirical dialogue, slow zoom-ins and transitions. Critics described this as “ambitious direction”, but nahhh. It’s just pretentious filmmaking under the guise of being ‘artistic’ – adds nothing to the movie but extra time.
There is admittedly some witty satirical dialogue within the script, as Finley highlights the ridiculous first-world problems of some high society members. For example, Lily lives in one of the most luxurious houses in the world, but acts as if the sound of a distant rowing machine is one of life’s greatest tragedies. So there’s some kind of funny satire at points. However, the fact that some critics described this as “American Psycho meets Heathers” is honestly insulting to both of those films. They’re both satirical dark comedies, but are overflowing with action compared to Thoroughbreds. It’s all good being kooky and quirky in your filmmaking, but only if it’s engaging content.
The cast is annoyingly impressive with the limited source material, headlined by the powerhouse young-Hollywood duo of Cooke and Taylor-Joy. Cooke has broken out in a big way the past few years, with massive roles in Ready Player One and Sound of Metal, and is slated to be in the new Game of Thrones spin-off. However, Taylor-Joy has had such an impressive five-year run that she’s now trying to force her way onto the young-Hollywood Mount Rushmore (which I’d argue is currently Zendaya, Timothee Chalamet, Saoirse Ronan and Tom Holland). In just the last two years she has starred in Glass, Peaky Blinders, Emma, The New Mutants, The Queen’s Gambit, and has been cast as the lead in the upcoming Edgar Wright and David O. Russell blockbusters, as well as being announced as the star of the Mad Max:Fury Road prequel. She’s an enormous star, with production companies falling over themselves to offer her projects. Therefore it’s no surprise to see both Cooke and Taylor-Joy turn in such impressive performances, long before they were both household names.
In summary, Thoroughbreds was a massive waste of time. It feels like the director was auditioning for another job for the whole movie, trying to impress the audience with long, artistic extended cut scenes. Without a thrilling story line (or ANY storyline, really), this fell flat, and left the film feeling far too try-hard, despite the herculean effort from Cooke and Taylor-Joy. Give this a miss if it ever comes across your radar. If you're desperate for a satirical dark comedy, watch American Psycho instead.
Rating: 4/10